my every story ends with Jimmi

today i realised it's july in two days. freaked me out!!! time floats by, you have no idea. just recently it was january and i got a dog, and now it's summer again?! i know so, because i don't get to wear tights and layers no more... and our dog is over a year old now. he was eight months when we got him! you actually don't know the story about how i made my lifelong dream come true. he is the biggest sunshine on the world. sometimes he thinks the universe doesn't go around the sun, but around him, considering he is entering his puberty now. but he is the sweetest.
i actually believe the universe brought him to us. i remember to this day, how me and my love laid on the floor one wintery day, enjoying a free day together in weeks. suddenly we talk about how it would be great to have a dog. i had such conversations all my life, but all these conversations were "what if" or "one day". i thought this conversation is nothing else. but then we found ourselves scrolling through ads on our phones, because we had no internet connection in our raw flat. we found an ad with a weimaraner puppy. we arranged a meeting with his owner and the puppy itself. we knew nothing about them.
on that meeting, we took the dog for a short walk without his owner. it was perfect, i will remember it forever. it was my biggest dream coming true. i felt so unique walking a puppy that could be ours. it actually took this only meeting, and we found ourselves going home with this dog. this is how spontaneous it was. later that evening, his previous owner rode home for the puppy's stuff and gave all of it to us. he was sad to see him go, but on the other hand he felt glad that he gave the puppy to us, he said. nothing made me prouder.

his name is Jimmi. we kept the name. it was the only dog on ad whose name we actually liked, though we didn't know until the very meeting. the first days with him were hell. and i cried a lot too, mostly because how happy i was, still not able to realise what's happening. i have i dog? how? i never could have a dog and now i have one, much earlier than i would ever imagine. is this possible? how can this happen to me? it took me so long to wrap my head around it.

but now? i can never express the feeling i get every time i get home and see his tail going wildly from side to side behind the glass part of door. if happiness had a shape, it's Jimmi. Jimmi the flying dog, like Jimmi Hendrix but cooler. and i love him to bits.
even when we chewed up my vintage The Cure T-shirt from Brighton.

a love story struggle

in the morning, we had a fight. then we made up. yet my lover texts me in the evening that he needs to be alone tonight.
before this message, i prepared tortillas and bought wine for us, planning a soothing evening together when we make the fight go away - just kisses and love and all that comfort with which we say "sorry, i didn't mean it". maybe with a party included. i even washed my hair after a week+.
the message surprised me, yet i got it. maybe i had to be alone (again) too. i often forget how it is to be just on my own - you know, the single life. for more than a year i plan all my days with the thought there are two(three) of us. i try to fit our "together time" in as much as possible. in all that, i forgot that there is just me. i've always have been. i want to be able to get used to be JUST ME again. not US. because it's not OUR life, its MINE. yes, we live together and we have a dog, but my mindset is so much different. in this mindset, i is just a puzzle to him. i got caught up in this too easily. i want to be able to be independent and be by myself as i was before i was in a relationship. i feel too addicted to him more than it's healthy.
it's love, one would say. and yes, i do love him and our living together more than anything, but that just cannot  be my whole life. i want to concentrate on my own desires, aspirations and goals. i have to function as a single unit. again. i was frightened in a bar a few minutes ago that there is nobody that can walk me home when i am too drunk. then i realised - he didn't do so for more than a year, anyway. even if i drank more than a bottle of wine, i still had to get myself in bed, no matter how far it was. i want this care, yet i know i don't need it. i don't want to need it. but it's so damn soothing to know you can rely on someone. even though now i realise i couldn't count on him for months.
he has always had his own head.

1 day _ 1 goodie

8/5: i got onto a full bus for a 2 hours long road. a man with a great beard let me sit.
9/5: hungover at work, i met Tilda Swinton's doppelgänger.
10/5: a simple thought - i would like to ride a horse again.
11/5: sang loud at midnight to grimes, discovering she might be a goddess.
12/5: i felt poorly, but it rained.
13/5: foot massage, gained yesterday's lost energy through yoga.
14/5: slept for 2 hours and had a terrible night, but i finished early at work and went to a trip with my lover and friends!!! we took a train to a brewery, had great lunch and i had a pint for the first time! in the evening, me and two of my favourite people discovered a HUGE playground! then my love and i went to our favourite bar and there we met a guy with a rat in his sweatshirt! it went from hoodie to sleeve and back to hoodie. such a great Saturday!!! the whole day was a goodie.
15/5: felt alright with the fact my lover's going away for a week tomorrow. grateful we got to spend a weekend together before leaving. also, he fixed my bed.
16/5: he has left, but he gave me The Last Rescue Kit made from a metal mint packet. it contains half a cigarette, weed and a sweet.
17/5: i made myself delicious lasagna with spinach. and suddenly my lover arrived! he brought a lot of food and stayed the night. in the morning - gone again.
18/5: i've done a lot of chores including cleaning our bathroom, laundry and shopping for materials for my project(s). i made progress in my illustration work. and most of all, i met my best friend today. we went for a lunch, talked a lot and laughed a lot.
19/5: i had a lunch with my twin sister and then i headed to school. a young illustrator from my teacher's graphic studio had a speech. motivating at last! i also made myself great bean+tomato soup for dinner. at night i finished a commission.
20/5: i bought 2 pizzas after a week of cravings.

and i cannot remember the rest, because we've got a wifi free household once again. no complains so far, except one of my flatmates smashed the broken router against the wall. happy times.
also i lost a job i was barely given and it was the only one that took me in with no previous experience in coffee making. however, today i found a job offer in a very nice café. my chances are low, but the universe is a funny thing.

finally it's raining

i felt horrid today, even skipped illustration course for the first time. one could say i feel better now, a walk with Jimmi the dog gave me energy. sudden rain helped a lot, too. i found out my best friend is gonna get married and i cannot help but think about her in the craziest dress possible and with a wedding ring from a vending machine around her finger. because that's one of the ways i would do it, so there's a big chance she would, too. you know how it works - a proper kinship.

everything's falling into the right place. every day, i can see my dream future a bit clearer. the old me, which was stuck between the rural and the city, is forever gone. now it is just me and the nature. i see myself, my lover, Jimmi the dog and Amy the sneaky snake in a simple house, somewhere quiet. we get a boa constrictor and maybe a horse, too. why not?
our house is a re-built barn up north, remade by us and our friends, looking very raw. it is furnished in a very sober way - nothing is expendable. there is as little as possible. the house is one big studio, with a ladder leading to a mezzanine. that's where our bedroom is, consisting of mattresses, pillows, blankets and towers of books. of course, chess and playstation shouldn't be missing. but that's it.
there is a little garden behind the house, where we grow vegetables. herbs are behind the window, plants and flowers everywhere you look. the place is very spacious in general, and well lit, too. we've got two bikes and a T3 transporter for our travels.

lately i am trying to reduce material things to gain what cannot be touched. more often i see stuff as distractions that only occupy space and time in my life. honestly, i just cannot be bothered! i am re-evaluating my present possessions and i either get rid of a thing or i change it for something better. i really see peace and ease in the simple.

on monday a dear friend (this one once again) told me i look like an anime character. this made me especially happy, because i was feeling like one that day. it made me even happier when she added it's not only because of the way i looked, but apparently my energy is somehow anime-like!
i feel really good in my own skin now. i feel like i am capable of somehow making other people's day better, and that makes me bursting with energy even more. i cut my hair and found the perfect pair of trousers. it's black and soft, shaped like a long skirt down to the ankles. i feel like a ninja in it.
now that i think about it, i might be transferring in one.

cínová hora

Při oživování blogu jsem v archivu našla spoustu nikdy nezveřejněných článků, které jsem měla nachystané nebo rozepsané. Našla jsem i fotky z Cínové hory, kde jsme byli na výletě s PePem pár let zpátky, když jsem přijela na pár dní do Znojma. Bylo jaro a teplo a stihli jsme spoustu dobrodružství. Pamatuju si, jak mě tyhle radovánky v přírodě vždycky nabily superenergií, a taky si všímám, že od té doby co bydlím v Praze, se tenhle pocit mnohonásobně zvětšil.

Taky jsem vlastně nevysvětlila, proč jsem zase začla psát na blog, který už je umřetý. Mám dost obsahu, který chci mít uložený někde na jednom místě, v nějakém větším celku. Hlavně z toho důvodu, že mám takovou smělou ambici, že toho obsahu bude čím dál víc v jakékoliv možné formě. A zkrátka přestávám mít trpělivost na to, mít to všechno jen tak rozfrkaný po internetu. Chci si vytvořit nějaké místo, kde to bude vše krásně pohromadě, na písečku, snadno nalezitelný, přehledný, kompletní. Proč je něco česky a něco anglicky, to vám nevysvětlím. Sama nevím a je mi to jedno :D Každopádně na všem ještě pracuju a nemůžu se dočkat, až to vše uspořádám ku obrazu svému.


manifesto // online and real world

these are fragments of what i realised and fully formed during a conversation with Vell. it's something i always remind to myself and something i (try to) live by. not only it puts me in a good mood, but i have a good feeling about every freaking day i lived, because even if it wasn't the best day ever, i know i treated every person (myself included), animal, thing and plant and everything else just how they deserved. and that always soothes my soul, excited about the next day and regretting nothing.

1. don’t live blindly through gadgets, don’t put more energy into your online life rather than your real life. use gadgets wisely. don’t let yourself to be consumed by them.

2. share wisely. decide what you want to share with the world and what is better to keep to yourself. don’t try to create a “better” version of yourself online. you are good enough. work on yourself in real life.

3. learn how to spend time offline and live the reality. use social media as a tool to share your work, not as a place for procrastination.

4. learn to be present in the real world. it can be scary, but don’t use online world to escape it - this is just life, baby. live it.

5. minimise your online world, make it raw.

6. make life (in general) as raw and pure as possible.

7. make it meaningful. put effort in everything you do. there is no time to slack off.

8. be true to yourself. appreciate yourself when you do something well, but recognise your mistakes as well.

9. be grateful. appreciate even the smallest of things.

10. don’t be bitchy to people. if they piss you off they are not worth your energy. if you just have a bad day, it doesn't mean you can destroy theirs.

11. rest, but don’t procrastinate.

12. be present.

13. do, try, experience. you may fail, but at least you tried. now you know you suck at it and carry on, or you know how to do better next time.

not playing dead

August 2015

I feel like I was afraid to switch my sharing mode to ON from time to time, in the last few months. I mean, I didn't want to write (here and on my tumblr, as you could notice) and share anything with the world. There isn't much time either. My world is spinning very fast for a year now. I am living VERY in the moment and in the reality. And I LIKE IT INFINITELY!

I used to think about everything and analyse everything around me. I still do, but this time, it seems like I rather shut up than say it out loud. I don't know why. I don't even write letters as often as I used to. Just now I write a letter to Tadeáš, since we weren't in touch for several months due to his travels.
I wonder if the absence of me on the internet and elsewhere is because I have that one somebody around me most of the time, to whom I can say and show everything immediately?
I noticed he has features of Neal Cassady, my childhood hero. He is just as crazy and just as energetic as I've always dreamt of Neal to be. I feel like he can do anything, get through anything. We moved in together at the beginning of July. I am so lucky to have him in my life. Everything is spinning in just the right speed.

I have a few plans in the future, too, but I am too scared to share them to anyone, in case they don't work out. At least it's more exciting this way. And this way I am 100% certain I am achieving them for me, not just to prove someone wrong. I hope it will all come true. They are not big dreams, one could say, but they mean the world to me.

My brother returned home a few days ago from Iceland. He lived there almost a year.

May 2016

Not many things mentioned above changed, though it has been almost a year. I still live with the Neal Cassady doppelgänger, but we share a different flat with different roommates and with a puppy we adopted. I dropped out from uni after 2 months of attending, but I signed up for illustration & comics courses. And now here I am again, after such a long time of somewhat silence. I realised I have a lot I want to share with you now.

'the best of' 365 wannabe

i've finished my 3rd project 365. the end came out of the blue, to be honest. since i moved to Prague, i lost any proper internet connection. mostly i just updated my project while i had time at work, where there is no service whatsoever except for O2 (so no service for me, anyway), but there is wifi alright.
the year was nothing i expected it to be, as per usual. at the beginning it was somehow like this: i was a girl in recovery, looking for a place in this world (which i still do) having big dreams (which i still do). so no change in that aspect of life.
but just 2 months later i met this person that came to me out of nowhere in this unmemorable yet ordinary night. we had a lot in common yet we were so different. we still do, we still are. and we are still getting to know each other, but now in our own flat, in our own relationship. we, strange acquaintances, started dating 2 weeks later after we met. it was this new, totally exciting relationship and i never expected it to go so far. not that i didn't believe in it, i was just very sceptic about happy love stories and i thought i will fuck it up soon. well, i didn't. it felt good and it still does.
i found out he has a snake, he likes my favourite whiskey and his home is next door, even-though at that time he lived and worked in Prague. yes, we were actually neighbours. now we are flatmates. weird. this 'project 365 revision' appears to be my love life update, but to be honest, it is the biggest part of this past year. so i don't intend to shut up about it. i want to remember all of it.

now, let's dig in the archive of my last 365 days.

this is my life now // part 1 // day(ish)

we paid a second rent now. that means we live in Prague for a month. it went so fast! and here is a little insight i put together.

my lunch and my dinner. we just made it so damn good. tzatziki and guacamole y'all! i like making meals to my love and than carrying it w/ me as i go visit him to work.