my every story ends with Jimmi

today i realised it's july in two days. freaked me out!!! time floats by, you have no idea. just recently it was january and i got a dog, and now it's summer again?! i know so, because i don't get to wear tights and layers no more... and our dog is over a year old now. he was eight months when we got him! you actually don't know the story about how i made my lifelong dream come true. he is the biggest sunshine on the world. sometimes he thinks the universe doesn't go around the sun, but around him, considering he is entering his puberty now. but he is the sweetest.
i actually believe the universe brought him to us. i remember to this day, how me and my love laid on the floor one wintery day, enjoying a free day together in weeks. suddenly we talk about how it would be great to have a dog. i had such conversations all my life, but all these conversations were "what if" or "one day". i thought this conversation is nothing else. but then we found ourselves scrolling through ads on our phones, because we had no internet connection in our raw flat. we found an ad with a weimaraner puppy. we arranged a meeting with his owner and the puppy itself. we knew nothing about them.
on that meeting, we took the dog for a short walk without his owner. it was perfect, i will remember it forever. it was my biggest dream coming true. i felt so unique walking a puppy that could be ours. it actually took this only meeting, and we found ourselves going home with this dog. this is how spontaneous it was. later that evening, his previous owner rode home for the puppy's stuff and gave all of it to us. he was sad to see him go, but on the other hand he felt glad that he gave the puppy to us, he said. nothing made me prouder.

his name is Jimmi. we kept the name. it was the only dog on ad whose name we actually liked, though we didn't know until the very meeting. the first days with him were hell. and i cried a lot too, mostly because how happy i was, still not able to realise what's happening. i have i dog? how? i never could have a dog and now i have one, much earlier than i would ever imagine. is this possible? how can this happen to me? it took me so long to wrap my head around it.

but now? i can never express the feeling i get every time i get home and see his tail going wildly from side to side behind the glass part of door. if happiness had a shape, it's Jimmi. Jimmi the flying dog, like Jimmi Hendrix but cooler. and i love him to bits.
even when we chewed up my vintage The Cure T-shirt from Brighton.



a love story struggle

in the morning, we had a fight. then we made up. yet my lover texts me in the evening that he needs to be alone tonight.
before this message, i prepared tortillas and bought wine for us, planning a soothing evening together when we make the fight go away - just kisses and love and all that comfort with which we say "sorry, i didn't mean it". maybe with a party included. i even washed my hair after a week+.
the message surprised me, yet i got it. maybe i had to be alone (again) too. i often forget how it is to be just on my own - you know, the single life. for more than a year i plan all my days with the thought there are two(three) of us. i try to fit our "together time" in as much as possible. in all that, i forgot that there is just me. i've always have been. i want to be able to get used to be JUST ME again. not US. because it's not OUR life, its MINE. yes, we live together and we have a dog, but my mindset is so much different. in this mindset, i is just a puzzle to him. i got caught up in this too easily. i want to be able to be independent and be by myself as i was before i was in a relationship. i feel too addicted to him more than it's healthy.
it's love, one would say. and yes, i do love him and our living together more than anything, but that just cannot  be my whole life. i want to concentrate on my own desires, aspirations and goals. i have to function as a single unit. again. i was frightened in a bar a few minutes ago that there is nobody that can walk me home when i am too drunk. then i realised - he didn't do so for more than a year, anyway. even if i drank more than a bottle of wine, i still had to get myself in bed, no matter how far it was. i want this care, yet i know i don't need it. i don't want to need it. but it's so damn soothing to know you can rely on someone. even though now i realise i couldn't count on him for months.
he has always had his own head.